instar & vertigo

I graduated out of collecting. At first, it was the utterly unique item in antique malls i sought. Then, broken things i found (always with the intention of creating an assemblage-sculpture one day) & carried home. Finally, i came to understand there was nothing i needed to do to them. They were already perfect.

With wabi-sabi eyes i portend a successful downfall. While i might beg more amenities in my ungreen years, i must recognize that erosion, no less than morning aches, is nature's way of hooking us offstage; in short, a weather.

We had our preferences once, our maniacal druthers, & look what it has brought us to. I don't believe in karma but i do acknowledge limits. "May I bow to Necessity/ not her hirelings," writes Merwin. This is not the Age of Assassins so much as the Intermezzo of Nemesis. Later they will look back, with horrified fascination perhaps (is that still a response you have leisure for, my hypothetical grand-childen?)--so much gone to waste, from such splendid beginnings. All--kaputt!

I write these words in smoke on the charnel wind, & glory in the freedom of the pyre. Let the ragpickers stalk, the diggers, bricoleurs through a wonderland of scrap: nothing that is what it was, & everything up for grabs. they will not even know that this language was once called English, & if some of them still believe that humans have walked on the Moon, the bulk of them will scoff.

And what is it to those moonrocks if they never fly back home? My people let me starve to death, not as a particular cruelty, but because they simply couldn't be bothered to think. There are colors that will never be seen again, do you realize that?If i were to describe them for an hour you still could not see them.

Some tasks remain--not so much an inventory (Simone Weil)--though making lists was one of our favorite vices--maybe it's only to acquire the art of lingering. At last. We last. Make it last. The fruit fly darting around me, knows as much. We totter, Little One, we who wanted to live forever. Henceforth we will be foolish anew--but in other ways.